Laid Off Pissed Off

I’ve been out of work for the past 5 months and don’t know how my wife can still love me.  For the past 8 years I was part of one of the largest financial institutions in the world.  Until one horrible day in November, I managed a team of 13 investors and enjoyed a steady income that enabled my wife to be a stay-at-home mom to our four boys.  I loved my job, even working the 12 hour days didn’t seem like a drudgery, it was exciting, even in the down market times because it forced you to be more ingenious. 

Now, along with thousands from my company, I’m laid off, feverishly looking for a job and trying to hold on to the little self-esteem I have left.  It’s like someone just yanked the life right out of me.  My wife has been incredibly reassuring and loving.  She constantly reminds me that this was out of my control and that maybe this is an opportunity to do something new and different, to move around what’s happened to me and go onwards.  I love her even more now than the day we got married.  But, how can her love be real when the sadness I feel is the same as what is now showing in her eyes?  A sadness that was not in her before.  I catch glimpses of  depths of her grief  every now and then and it crushes my heart and makes me want to lash out in frustration on an imaginary person responsible causing this devastation. 

How can my wife not hate me?  My unemployment has irreversably changed our lives and worst of all, our childrens futures  yet she says she loves me the same.  I’m proud of her starting a new job – she’s never worked. Most of all, I’m proud and amazed by the strength that my wife has shown.  Her strength is why I go on.  Thank you to my dear wife, a true partner for life through the good and the horrible.  I’m glad I found this site and feel better for ’saying’ this out loud.  I’m going to bring her a cup of coffee in bed and make a fort for the kids.  After all, it really is about the little things isn’t it?  That’s one huge lesson I’m learning.

Good luck with your this endeavour Girl Laid Off.  I hope that this site works for you too.